Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
