my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
