i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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