I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
