Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
we should paint friendship bongs
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