we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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