I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
