i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
