school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
