Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
