I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
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I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
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Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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