if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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