is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
