i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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