Dude my mom stole all your condoms
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
handjob tips. give me some.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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