I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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