Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
