a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
