he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
