I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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