U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
you inspire me to be a worse person
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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