so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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