we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Randomize
