my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
if i died would you start the facebook group?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
