I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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