we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
