that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
