The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
