I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You're a waste of cheezeits
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
