you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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