We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Randomize
