you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
