bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
