I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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