I wanna bring you to show and tell
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
