i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
