it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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