If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
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