Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
