His pubic hair was longer than his dick
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Well I just put wine in my tea
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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