It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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