I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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