capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
