so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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