You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
