its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
