Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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