Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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