My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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