i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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