if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
