I showed him my bush... on skype.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
sarcasm needs its own font
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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