I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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