I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
