Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
His hands were made for my vagina.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
