Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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