What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
