I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
