dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
