So drunk, too bad you don't want this
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
