I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
not ubering you a puppy
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
