So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
