I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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