I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
