You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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