Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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