And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
