we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
