There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
