Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
