and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
