Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
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But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Well I just put wine in my tea
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We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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