you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize