I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
