He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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