is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
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birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
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I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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