Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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