It's Friday. Sex?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
