My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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