A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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